Sex and Pregnancy: Navigating Intimacy Before and After Birth

There’s no question that both pregnancy and postpartum are transformative times in life—physically, emotionally, and relationally. While often celebrated, these periods also come with challenges, particularly when it comes to identity, emotions, intimacy of all types, and sex. As a therapist specializing in relationships and sex, I’ve seen how much misinformation, lack of information, or decreased dialogue can leave individuals and couples feeling confused, frustrated, and/or disconnected. So let’s talk about it: what’s typical, what’s possible, and how you can prioritize physical intimacy during and after pregnancy.

Sex During Pregnancy: A Shifting Landscape

Pregnancy impacts the pregnant person’s body and libido in ways that can be both predictable and unpredictable (usually more unpredictable!) Hormonal changes can make some people feel sexier than ever, while others might struggle with fatigue, nausea, or feeling like a stranger in their own body. More than ever, communication is essential for everyone navigating these shifts.

Here are a few tips for maintaining intimacy during pregnancy:

Get Creative with Positions

Certain positions may become uncomfortable or impractical as your body changes. Explore new ways to connect that feel good and keep you close.

Honor Your Fluctuating Desire 

Your libido might ebb and flow throughout your pregnancy. Some people experience an increased sex drive in the second trimester, while others feel the opposite. All experiences of libido shifts during pregnancy are “normal.” 

Don’t Underestimate Non-Sexual Physical Intimacy

Sometimes, cuddling, kissing, or giving each other massages can provide the emotional connection you crave without physical discomfort. Physical intimacy is not just a pseudonym for sex. It’s being physically intimate – period.

Sex After Pregnancy: Healing and Reconnection

After giving birth, your body is healing from one of the most significant events it will ever experience. Whether you had a C-Section or a vaginal birth, there is a lot to heal from both pregnancy and the delivery itself. Hormones are fluctuating, energy levels are low, and the demands of a newborn can leave little room for anything, especially physical intimacy. However, rebuilding your sexual (and physical) connection is possible with patience and open communication.

The postpartum period often comes with an estrogen drop, which can result in vaginal dryness. Please. Use. Lubricants. A well-made lubricant can alleviate discomfort from dryness during sex while making sex way more enjoyable and accessible as you adjust to your new normal.

Additionally, it’s important to remember that healing takes time. Many healthcare professionals recommend waiting 6 weeks before resuming penetrative sex, but your comfort and readiness are the ultimate guides. Some folks start craving it earlier than 6 weeks, and some don’t feel a desire for it for many months after delivery. Also, desire is an incredibly complex topic and not just “I’m feeling better, so I want sex now.” Lack of sleep, physical recovery, and hormonal shifts can dampen libido – not to mention the emotional and identity shifts of becoming parents. This is normal and doesn’t mean you’ve “lost” your sexual connection forever. Desire often returns with time, rest, and care.

Tips for Reconnecting After Your Child(ren) Have Arrived

Communicate Openly

Share with your partner(s). Share your feelings, your concerns, and your desires with your partner(s). Postpartum intimacy requires mutual understanding and compassion. (As does all physical intimacy!)

Take It Slow: 

Rebuilding sexual intimacy doesn’t have to start with penetrative sex. Explore touch, kissing, or even some alone time to re-discover your connection.

Invest in Comfort: Using a lubricant like Wicked Sensual Care’s Aqua can make intimacy feel more comfortable and pleasurable as your body adjusts.

Adjust Expectations: Postpartum sex might look different than it did before, but different doesn’t mean bad. Allow yourselves to explore this new phase together and try not to expect that things will be the exact same after such a significant life event.

The Emotional Side of Intimacy

Sex during and after pregnancy isn’t just about the physical experience. Sex is deeply tied to your emotional connection, too. Feeling seen, supported, and loved goes a long way in rebuilding intimacy.

If you find yourselves struggling, think about reaching out to a therapist who specializes in relationships, sex, or even in the transition of becoming a parent. You’re not alone, and with the right tools and support, you can create a thriving relationship in every phase of parenthood. It’s really tough, especially while you’re in the midst of the transition, to remember that you’re in such a giant transition. Give yourself and your partner(s) grace.

Embracing Change

Pregnancy and postpartum bring profound changes in most areas of life, but they also offer opportunities to deepen intimacy, connection, and understanding in ways you may not have imagined. You can navigate these transitions with connection and more grace by staying patient, prioritizing communication, and using tools and resources to support your journey.