the do’s & don’ts of anal play 

Happy Anal August! Maybe you’ve celebrated before, or maybe you’re brand new to this, but I’d like to share some very important do’s and don’ts with you about anal play. Feel free to pass this along to a partner to get a conversation going about the ins and outs of anal sex.

First, my list of don’ts:

  1. Please do not have anal sex unless you want to. Don’t allow your partner to pressure you into it, and no “oops, wrong hole!”. Don’t do it to save your relationship. Don’t do it if you’re not into it. Part of sexual health is knowing your body and respecting your boundaries.
  2. Do not put anything into your ass that you can’t get out. You may think this goes without saying, but the internet will certainly argue that. Make sure anything you insert into any orifice has a flared base for easy removal.
  3. Never attempt penetration without a warm up. Don’t rely on what you see in movies- those are trained anal professionals, bless them. Please take time with your body.
  4. No dry anal! Our anus does not self lubricate, so using lube is very necessary…in fact, if you think you have enough, chances are you don’t.
  5. If you or a partner have a vagina, please don’t go back and forth with fingers, toys, or a penis. If you’re going from anal sex to vaginal sex, this will very likely result in a bacterial infection.

That may seem like a lot of rules, but now that you have the basics, keep reading for  my tips to make anal play a really pleasurable experience for everyone involved.

The do’s of anal play:

  1. Get to know your body. Experimenting your own is a great way to try new things, and it gives you a chance to figure out how your body works and what you enjoy.
  2. Decide what kind of prep your body requires- for some light anal play with no penetration, you may be comfortable with a shower or bath. For anal play with a partner that involves penetrations you may want to try an enema. You’ll find reusable enemas at adult stores, and if you buy one at a drugstore, you’ll want to pour out the contents (it’s a saline laxative!) and use room temperature water instead.
  3. Choose lube, use lube. LOTS of lube. You may not use the same kind of lube for anal play that you use for other things. I recommend any of these for anal sex: Ultra (silicone), Jelle (super thick, water based anal gel), simply Aqua Jelle (thick, water-based lube free from glycerin and propylene glycol), and simply Hybrid Jelle (our absolute THICKEST gel lube- a perfect blend of water based gel and silicone)
  4. NO NUMBING PRODUCTS. I don’t mean to yell here, but this is something I feel very strongly about. Please do not numb yourself in order to achieve penetration. Pain is our body’s way of saying something is wrong, slow down, or stop. Listen to your body and go back a step. Use more lube, choose a smaller item, or go slower. Not listening to your body can cause injuries, leaving you more susceptible to bacteria and STIs.
  5. Start slow. Always start small and slow. You can always (slowly) increase the depth and speed of penetration.

Congrats! You now have the basic information to get started on your anal journey. Anal play, when done right, can be a highly enjoyable and safe part of one’s sexual journey. It’s about understanding and respecting the body’s limits, using the right products, and maintaining hygiene. Education and communication are key to ensuring that anal play is both pleasurable and safe for all involved.

Oh, and if you try and it’s just not for you, that’s OK too. It’s your body. You get to decide what’s best for you.




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