Your Top Questions About Anal Play Answered by jessica drake

Happy Anal August — if you’re into that sort of thing — and I sure am! In fact, in the 15-ish years I’ve been a sex educator, I’ve done so many online and in person workshops on anal sex –- from Anal 101 for beginners to way more advanced topics. Anal sex is just one of those things that stands the test of time — it’s not “trendy” like the Grapefruit trick, it’s something people are really into, or at least curious about. At the end of every anal class, I allow attendees the opportunity to ask me questions, and I’ve heard (nearly) everything. In honor of this month, I’ve curated a list of the top 3 questions I’ve received time and time again. 

Before we get started, I want to make a few things clear about anal sex: 

1. You may be one of those people who have ZERO interest in anal sex, or you’ve tried it and it’s just not for you…and that’s OK! No need to do it solely to please your partner, but please let them know It’s not for you and suggest other things you could try together instead. Take a look over HERE. 

2. All bodies are different. Although I’m often speaking from personal experience, I’m also using some universal facts and methods for enjoying anal play. Your job is to take in that info and get to know what works for you, and often that’s best accomplished by spending some solo time exploring your body. And now, my most asked anal questions, in no particular order: 

Q - My partner wants to try anal sex, but I’m not sure I want to. What should I do? 

A - Nothing you don’t want to do! Anal isn’t required, no matter how much your partner wants it. If you’re thinking about trying anal sex, ask yourself what turns you on about it? Some people enjoy the taboo of it, some people love the way it feels, while some people enjoy the power dynamic. Now think about what makes you reluctant to actually try it. In my experience, people are usually concerned with two main things: the possibility of it being messy or the fear of pain. 

The reality is, anal sex *may* be messy, no matter the type of prepping you do, so if you’re super squeamish or your partner is, anal may not be your thing. As for the pain, although anal sex is a VERY different feeling if you’re not accustomed to it, it shouldn’t hurt. Pain is our body’s way of saying to slow down or stop what we’re doing, it’s a sign that something is wrong, so if you’re experiencing pain during anal sex, it could mean you need more lube (check out our ANAL collection) or it could mean you need to go back a step or two. Perhaps a gentle “gateway” to anal play can be gentle external exploration, with lubed fingers and an agreement of no penetration.

Also, rimming may be a good option, with a dash of your/their favorite flavored lube to turn you into an even tastier treat! Often, incorporating some light anal play with zero expectation of penetration takes the pressure off everyone involved and gives the receiver a chance to get comfortable, and time to decide if they want to go further. 

Q - How do I make sure anal play isn’t messy? 

A - You don’t. Even with the most thorough prepping, things can still happen, so like I said before, if this is a deal-breaker, you’ll need to stick to exterior stimulation only. That being said, there are a few options for anal hygiene: Watch your diet a few days beforehand. 

1. Cut out fatty, sweet foods, spicy foods and red meat. Being more regular means more dependable bathroom habits, making it easier to “schedule” anal play- or at least know what times to avoid.

2.  Have a shower and clean all external areas thoroughly with a gentle, pH balanced soap. If you want to groom or shave, do it the night before or the day before, to avoid any extra irritation.
3. Some folks prefer to use an anal douche or an enema. A word of caution- although you can find these in your nearest drugstore, you do NOT want to use the liquid inside. That’s a saline laxative, and you definitely don’t want to be doing that right before anal.

   If you like the comfort of a disposable enema, just pour out the liquid inside and refill it with room temperature water. If the water is too cold, it may cause cramping, if the water is too warm, you won’t get a complete cleaning. Please follow the directions on the box- it will explain the position to put your body in during insertion and how long to keep the water inside you. Using an enema takes practice. Please don’t do it for the first time right before you think you’re ready to have anal sex.

4. Another way to mitigate any mess that happens is to play in the shower using a good silicone lube- that way cleaning up is easier. You can also put towels down on the surface that you’re playing on. Here’s something really important- when we’re having anal sex for the first time or the tenth time, things can still get messy.

Bodies are bodies, meaning that they’ll do what they do when they do it. If this happens to you or your partner, please don’t make a big deal of it. Embarrassment or shame is a really common reaction in these cases, but reassure your partner or yourself that these things happen. Take a break, clean things up if you need to, and decide if you want to continue or if you want to switch things up and try something else. Anal sex is really a process, if you’re able to communicate with your partner and be flexible, it makes things so much easier. 

Q - What’s the best product to use to make sure anal sex doesn’t hurt? 

A - I say this time and time again: Anal sex should NOT hurt. It may be a really different sensation. There may be a lot of pressure. Things may feel tight or uncomfortable (at first) but if you’re having pain with anal sex, please just stop. Pain means something is wrong, it means your body is telling you to stop. Listening to your body is important so you’re not causing serious damage to some really delicate areas- that’s why numbing products are so dangerous. 

A numbing cream may help you “accomplish” anal sex, but when you aren’t able to feel what you’re doing, not only will you not know when something goes wrong, you also won’t be able to feel the amazing sensations that can come from anal play. 

There are a few types of lube I recommend for anal sex, and they’re all a part of our anal collection:

• My personal favorite, Ultra Silicone, is a great anal lubricant because it’s a thicker silicone that lasts and is great for shower sex.
  
• Jelle (the original) is amazing because it’s a super thick water based gel anal lube that stays where you put it, gives you a cushion, and cleans up easily with water.

• Jelle also comes in Heat or Chill, so once you’ve had some practice, you can give sensation play a try. Warming and cooling sensation lube can be a fun way to add to anal exploration and while they’re formulated for insertion, you can also use them for external play and still feel the sensations!

  

• One of our newest releases is something I recommend for ALL first timers or for people who want to give up risky numbing products. Jelle Plus is a thick, water based gel anal relaxing lube enhanced with soothing aloe and vitamin E that ALSO contains ingredients (NOT NUMBING AGENTS) like clove oil and jojoba to make your anal experience more comfortable. Remember, when it comes to anal play, there’s no such thing as too much lube! 

For more information about anal sex, check out the blogs below, and watch for an upcoming Instagram Live Q & A this month that will give you the chance to get more anal questions answered. 

xo, jd